The Inevitability of Time

春曉 - 孟浩然

春眠不覺曉，處處聞啼鳥。

夜來風雨聲，花落知多少。

If you're 25 years or older, I'm sure you will agree that time appears to pass ever more quickly as you age.  I'm 36 years old now and half my lifetime ago was about the time I started university.  Seriously?!  I still remember those days so vividly that it must have not been more than a few years back, right?  As I write this, I still cannot fathom how quickly the latter half of my life flew by.  The first 18 years of life felt terribly long.  If I were to give it a subjective ratio, it would probably be somewhere around 3:1, where the first 18 years felt about 3 times as long as the last 18 years.

Long Summer Days

I will bet that all of us remember those long summer days as kids.  The 2 months of summer holidays just seemed to last forever and ever.  I have fond memories of my brother, Eric and I, playing endless hours of video games (was it Zelda II?) when it was too hot to go outside.  How I reminisce those carefree days when our biggest problem was figuring out how to get past those stupid armored knights in the game (if you're wondering, the trick is to have full health, jump and shoot a dagger out and then attack his feet at the same time...but I digress)!  Nowadays, summer is almost over, and I still haven't gotten used to writing the year "2015".  I remember sometime last year, I accidentally wrote "2012" in my notebook...I kid you not!

Spring Morning

So, to the Chinese poem that started this post.  If you're Chinese and have studied this poem, read on.  If not, see this link for a rough translation.  Having moved to Canada when I was 8 years old, I'm impressed I can even read all of the characters in this poem!  Aside from the content, this poem exemplifies how efficient the Chinese language is.  The poem is made up of merely 20 characters, and yet, there is so much depth.  I guess this is why this poem made it into the famous "300 Tang poems".

I don't claim to understand this poem fully, but I think I've got the jist of it.  It is a little funny, however, that most sites I visited talks about the poet's love for nature and springtime.  My interpretation is much different.  But as my English teachers of the past tells me, there's no right or wrong in literature...so, please don't correct me if I'm wrong! :)

In any case, I think it captures perfectly the subtle melancholy that I feel when I reflect on the passage of time.  When we are young (springtime), we see no need to treasure the time that we have here in this world (waking up after daybreak).  We're captivated by the busy-ness of this world (birds singing).  Before we know it (storm in the night), years have passed and we find ourselves spending the last days of our lives (flower petals on the ground).  How very sad!  Let this poem be a warning for all of us of the brevity of our lives.

I also found this video below.  It's beautifully made and similarly, it captures the melancholic feeling very well.  Note the duration between the candles.

There's Hope

There's a saying about parenting, "Don't blink or they'll grow up!"  I've surrendered to the fact that yes, my kids will grow up too quickly (maybe that's why we keep having them).  It is simply a fact of life.  I try hard (maybe not hard enough) to create as many memories for my kids as possible, but it's almost a lost cause.  Between the day-to-day obligations and activities, it leaves little time to really enjoy each other.  I always feel rushed to get here, go there, buy this, do that...I'm simply a hamster on a very intricate wheel!  But alas, there is hope.

What hope is there?  There is always but one source of hope and it is our Lord.  He tells us, "In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be" (John 14:2-3).  It's not in this life that we will ever have enough time to spend with each other, but the next.  The day I welcome my kids into the gates of heaven (God willing!) will be the day when they truly get the time they deserve of me.

Read More

We're Expecting!

Hello World!

We have started to inform our family and friends, but it's never official unless it's published on the Internet, right? Thanks be to God, we are expecting our fourth child!!  He/she will be due early January.  I'm writing this as I'm sitting at the Ultrasound clinic, waiting for my turn to see the little guy/gal inside mommy's tummy.

First or Last to Know

For all of the older three, we've found out what the gender was since Renee didn't want any surprises.  I wanted to keep it a surprise for Adele but Renee said to me, "You can either be the first or last to know, your choice."  I really didn't have a choice, did I?  Now, she wants to keep it as a surprise whereas I don't.  I have a feeling I  will have no choice again.  ...I'm now back home and the ultrasound technician said it was difficult to see between the legs...LOL!  So, it looks like it'll be a surprise after all.

Story Behind This Story

There is actually a story (well, there always is).  About half a year ago, we started discerning whether 3 was it.  So, we started praying, asking God for a sign. He was kind and gave me two signs.  The first one came from Father Terry Fay.  I had met Father Terry from my time doing my now abandoned Master of Theological Studies program at U of T (maybe when the kids are older, I'll resume).  He would occasionally say mass at Chinese Martyrs and I'd say hi to him every time.  One Sunday, he was there again, and when mass was over, he came over to say hi.  While Father Terry was asking how many kids I had now (and I said 3), fellow parishioner, Ricky, came by and said, "He should have more, right?"  Father Terry didn't even answer Ricky, turned to me and said, "Three is a sacred number," and walked away.  I was like, "no way...".

So, the unbeliever in me prayed to God that night and asked, "Lord, I'm not sure if that was a coincidence or not, but if it's not offending to you, please give me a second sign to confirm the first."  Then, a little while later, while Pope Francis was in the Philippines, I read this article, and it talked about how he didn't think Catholics needed to "breed like rabbits" and "said population experts advised three children per family."  Go read the article yourself...I don't make this stuff up!  Anyway, I was floored when I read it.  If these were not clear signs from God, I don't know what is!

Are Not You More Important Than They?

Well, as you already know, God has a sense of humour!  At first, both Renee and I were somewhat anxious.  My mom already helps out a lot with the kids, and it's definitely not an easy task.  She really is a super (grand) mom!  Would having a fourth mean Renee have to stay home?  It's not easy to get by with a single (or even double) income these days.  But it would be entirely unfair to just toss this burden at my mom.  She already drops off and picks up the kids to/from school and cooks.  So, after Renee's mat leave is over (still 16 months away from that), we're planning to enroll them in before/after school care.  Renee would drop them off in the morning and leave work late, where I would go to work early and pick them up after school.  I can probably take up more cooking duties as well since I'll be home with them early.  This summer has been a trial run (parents were in Hong Kong for a month), and honestly, it's not bad.  Or I might win the lottery sometime in the next 16 months and all will be fine!

This other thought did come to mind.  If Father Terry had said, "Four is a sacred number."  Or if Pope Francis had said "population experts advised four children per family," would I be as concerned or anxious?  Obviously now, having (at least) four kids is God's will, why am I anxious?  Just because I thought He said three doesn't change the fact that four is really what He wants.  I think I might have fallen prey to confirmation bias.  Perhaps I was looking for signs of "three" and ignored other signs telling me to have four kids.  So, naturally, when I heard "three", I  clung onto these "signs" and gave them more prominence than they had deserved.

All of this anxiety has actually passed and we're now very excited about our new addition.  The house will be crazy and that's all good.  In this day and age where people look at you like you're crazy when you have even just three kids, we will be "the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden" (Matthew 5:14).  I'm excited that we can be an example for the world that kids are wonderful and they are the greatest blessing that we can receive!

Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? (Matthew 6:26)

Read More

Angels

Euro Grad Trip 2002 with Archie and Kelvin

Technology is a wonderful thing.  Ever since I found out that I could borrow audiobooks from the Mississauga Library on my phone, I knew my 1 hour plus long commute (one way) would be more bearable.  The latest book I've read was The Angel Effect by John Geiger.  I picked it randomly from a list books that were not on hold at the moment.  It turned out to be a fairly good read (er...listen).  It talks about experiences of a "sensed presence" that many refer to as angels.  They typically occur during times of danger, stress, or sadness, and often results in miraculous survival or escape from danger.

I'm not going to be doing a book review here, but I did want to talk about 2 things.  First, in the last chapter of his book, Geiger gives a summary of the topic and there was one section which I found especially interesting.  It talks about the brain versus the mind.  Second, I'd like to share an encounter I had during my grad trip to Europe.

The Brain vs. the Mind
Geiger talked about one of the scientific studies that was done in relation to this sensed presence experience.  In the study, a scientist was able to reproduce this sensation of a sensed presence by stimulating a particular location in the left brain.  This correlates well with the data from most sensed presence occurrences, because a majority of people with these experiences claim to see the "angel" at the right side of their peripheral vision or have a feeling that someone is present just behind the right side of their backs.

At this point, some of us may stop here and dismiss these experiences as purely physical phenomena, where our brains trick us into thinking we're seeing an angel.  If we can isolate the part of the brain that causes this experience, does that not prove it to be something physical, and not spiritual?

In Catholic theology, we believe that the human person is both physical and spiritual. That is, we have a body and a soul.  This is precisely why we believe that at the end of time, our bodies will be resurrected and perfected.  Angels, on the other hand, are purely spiritual. Animals are purely physical.

The intersection between our immaterial soul/mind and our body is the brain.  Geiger sees the brain as a lens into our mind, rather than as being the mind itself.  Our consciousness and mind, through the brain, experiences the physical world.  And so, because there is an inseparable link between the mind and the body, any experience in either realm is manifested in both realms.  For example, when one trips and scrapes his knee, the physical experience is translated, via electrical signals in the brain, into a painful feeling within our consciousness.  Likewise, a purely spiritual experience can manifest itself into physical brain activity.  Therefore, just because this sensed presence phenomenon can be traced to a particular physical activity in the brain, it does not automatically mean the experience was solely a physical one or that the source of this experience was physical. 

I'm quite sure I did a poor job of explaining this, but the point really is this: God created the world in such a manner that He is able to manifest Himself to us, without breaking the laws of this universe.  For example, just because evolution is a product of probability and chance, it does not mean God did not have a hand in shaping the evolution of apes into humans.  In fact, I think this is the beauty in and also the definition of faith.  That is, faith cannot be proven.  God created the world such that He can never be proven to exist.  Otherwise, what merit would we have in believing in something that is true in plain sight?

Encounter with an Angel?

Enough with the philosophical discussion...I  will now tell of the experience I had, which to this day is vivid and also inexplicable.  It definitely does not fall into the same category of experience as the "angel effects", but there is a mystery that surrounds it. 

It happened during my grad trip in 2002.  +Archie Wong and +Kelvin Lai, and I did a whirlwind backpacking trip across Western Europe in 2 weeks.  We spent a few days in Paris, which was one of our last stops.  

Since we were poor university grads back then (I'm now a poor employed professional now), we utilized public transit as much as possible.  One day, while we were at a subway station, heading towards the platform, we heard our subway train approaching it.  There was a flight of stairs between us and the train.  Afraid of missing the subway (don't really remember why we were in such a rush during vacation...), I started running up the stairs.  Since I was still relatively fit in those days, I got to the top of the stairs first, with Archie close behind and Kelvin much farther back (lol... He still smoked at that time).  

That was when I saw a young lady who was standing inside the train, beside the door, looking at us.  The door had been open for some time now and we felt that it was going to close any second.  To my surprise, the young lady stepped out between the doors, as if she was going to keep the door from closing on us.  I got on the train quickly, and as I passed by the lady, I looked at her and said a quick, "Merci".  As I got on the train, I saw Archie do pretty much the same thing as I did.  Kelvin was still taking his sweet time, but eventually, he made it onto the train as well. 

The car that we got on was the first car of the train, and we got on through the door closest to the front.  Therefore, the only place we could go was towards the back of the train. And that was exactly what we did. We walked a few steps towards the back of the train, being still pretty close to the door which we had just gone through.  After we got settled, the train started moving.  At this point in time, we hadn't even had a chance to talk about what just happened, nor was I really thinking about doing that.  What my mind was thinking about was what a nice thing that lady did for us.  In fact, I wanted to get a good look at her.  I looked toward the spot where she was standing (next to the door), but funny, she wasn't there.   She also wouldn't have walked to the back of the car because that's where the three of us were standing.

So, I looked at Archie, and Archie looked at me.  Without even describing what was going through my head, I said to him, "Where did she go?" He looked at me and replied, "I don't know."  It was apparent to the both of us that we were both trying to find the lady who had just helped us.  So, we both turned to Kelvin and asked him if he knew where the lady was.  He said, "What lady?"  "The lady who held the door open for us," I replied.  "I didn't see anyone at the door," was his response.  "How could you not have seen her?  She kept the door open for us," my voice getting a little more excited.

In the end, we couldn't figure out where she had gone.  The only other possibility was that she got off the train after she kept the door open.  But yet, before she had stepped in front of the door, she had no intention of getting off the train; the door had been open for several seconds already.  It just didn't make sense.

But yet, it could make sense.  What if she was an angel, sent by God to protect us from whatever could have happened had she not stood in the way of the door?  But there was no imminent danger.  Worst case scenario is we missed the train or maybe got separated.  It certainly didn't seem like a situation where an angel needed to interject in our daily lives. And why was Kelvin not able to see her, while only Archie and I did?  

I cannot explain the events of that day.  The lady could have been just a really nice Parisian who Kelvin just didn't notice.  But I keep the possibility of her being an angel an open one.  I certainly wouldn't mind having such an experience, but I guess we will never know what really happened... 

Read More

I'm Back!

Thanks to +Matthew Siu's recent blog posts, I decided to re-start this personal blog.  I'm not sure I've ever advertised this, but here it is!  I even went out and bought the www.felixwong.org domain (which, by the way, cost me only $13 for the year)!

Anyway, since it's been about 4 years since my last post, thought I'd share a picture of my rascals with you!  Hope it won't take me another 4 years until my next post.

Audrey, Athan, and Adele at Grand Bend

Read More