Kids Will Grow Up

Last night after dinner, Renee and I spent some time with Adele playing with Playdough.  On most weeknights, we try to spend as much time as we can with her before she goes to sleep.  Because she sleeps at around 8:30 pm, we only get to see her for a couple of hours each day.  We really miss out a lot and it's a shame, but that's the reality of life, I guess.  This is the reason why I think we need to invest aggressively (but safely) to have an early retirement, but that's a totally different discussion (see my other blog).

So, while we were playing with Adele, I walked away for a while, and immediately, she cried out to me, "Baba, play Playdough, play Playdough!"  I then walked back and said, almost not thinking about the words, "Yuet Yuet, one day, you will grow up and not want to play with Baba anymore."  Immediately after those words, a feeling of melancholy came over me.  Those words are probably going to come true at some point in time.  The saddest thing is that there are times now that I wished Adele would not require so much attention from me.  I have different things to do like watch TV, surf the web, write blogs...How ironic!  When Adele grows up to be an adolescent, I can just imagine that we would make a switch.  I'd want her to spend time with me, but she would rather hang out with friends, etc.

That is life...and so, I'm going to consciously maximize the amount of attention I give to her, while she still wants it.  Sometimes that's more easily said than done, but every time I find myself doing something else when I can be spending time with her, I'll be sure to correct myself!

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Helplessness

This December has not been good in terms of health for our family.  I was literally sick for 3 weeks, starting at the end of November.  Then, about 4 days ago, Adele came down with a fever and a cough.  Since this happened over Christmas, there were some mandatory family events that we could not miss.  So, we dragged her with us to a couple of parties, and even to my own birthday party (which was a surprise, by the way...but more on that in another post).  This is the 4th day that she's had the fever and we're starting to get a little worried.  My brother, Eric, who's a family doctor, took a brief look at her and thought she was not in too bad of a shape.  But he didn't have his "tools" (what are they called anyway?), so he couldn't properly examine her.  In any case, she's just constantly tired and is sleeping probably 80% of the day.  It sort of worries me what infection she's got.

Her cough is also not helping.  Because she's so young (almost 20 months), she doesn't really know how to control a cough.  So, for the past couple of nights, she's gagged herself during coughing and threw up in bed.  It's the most painful thing to see...the poor little girl going through all this pain.  I never understood why my parents always hassled me to see a doctor when I was sick, but I guess now I do.

To make matters worse, Renee seems to have contracted the infection from Adele.  She's feeling dizzy and has a headache and a sore throat.  They're now sleeping upstairs.  And what can I do to help?  I just feel so helpless and useless.  I remember reading or hearing somewhere (believe it's originally from St. Bernard of Clairvaux...after some googling) that there are 4 degrees of love, in ascending order:

1. Loving self for self
2. Loving other for self
3. Loving other for other
4. Love self for other

The least selfless love is loving the self for the sake of the self.  E.g.) I buy an iPad for myself because I want to own an iPad.  The second degree is loving another person for sake of self.  E.g.) I love my wife, because I feel good when I love somebody.  The third degree, often thought of as the highest degree, is loving the other for the sake of the other.  E.g.) I love my wife and sacrifice for her so that she would be better off.  However, that is not the highest degree.  The highest degree is loving the self for the sake of others.  And here is where it applies to my situation.  I must love myself (i.e. take good care of myself) for the sake of Renee and Adele.  Since they are both sick, I need to care for myself first, because if I also become sick, then that would do them no good.  So, the love of the self is in fact, a selfless love.  It is the highest degree because it may be most difficult, but yet, the right thing to do.  The direct application in "real" life is during an airplane safety video, "when the oxygen masks drop from the overhead compartment, put the mask on before helping others with their masks..."

So, I'm going to go to eat some fruits, take a nice hot shower, shave (yeah, I shave in the evenings...weird!), and go to bed early tonight, because I need to love myself!  And to all you caregivers out there, please take good care of yourself too!

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My Blog

I never knew I liked writing so much!  Maybe I should have taken English literature instead of Mechanical Engineering in school?!  Anyway, I really regret not having started blogging earlier.  In July of 2009, I started The Catholic Investor blog.  Ever since I started seriously investing, I found that I had so many ideas regarding the topic and really wanted to share them.  However, I didn't feel it was right to bomb my close friends with emails about something in which they may not necessarily have too much interest.  And quite frankly, I wouldn't mind earning a few bucks from putting ads on a blog!  So, I started blogging.  After almost a year and a half, I have a steady readership (of which I'm fairly surprised and grateful for).  But something was missing...

What is it?  When my boss's father-in-law, who was an artist, passed away, in the funeral home was displayed the paintings that he had painted during his lifetime.  My boss told me that this collection of paintings left a very tangible legacy of his father-in-law.  It was something his children and grandchildren can look at years from now and remember that these were the masterpieces of their (grand)father.  This made me think.  What will I leave behind to my children and grandchildren as my legacy?  I wanted something more than just memories, as even the most precious ones will fade with time.  What more can I leave to them than my own personal thoughts and a record of things that happened in their father's life, which will no doubt involve their own lives as well?  This will be my gift to them.

The first post of this blog was actually a note I wrote on my Facebook page a couple of days after Adele was born.  I wrote it while Renee and her were sleeping soundly in the hospital room.  That was the beginning of my blogging journey, and so, it is appropriate for me to put that note in this blog.

And so, here begins a new page in the journey of my life...actually, our lives (Renee, Adele and me, and who knows how many more to follow).  I don't know who will eventually stumble onto this blog, but if no one else other than my family reads it, I would still be so very grateful and glad.

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